carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
