I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
