mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
