she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
