literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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