is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Randomize
