No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
