TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
