There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
