I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
