Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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