this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
