WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
