How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
