um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
