You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
the room spins SO much faster in panama
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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