I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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