Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
