You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
