The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
