I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
