he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
