They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
