i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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