Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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