She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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