Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
