I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
