first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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