2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
