Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
