Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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