I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
