too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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