Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He shit in the fireplace
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
