I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
