I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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