Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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