i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
