Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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