2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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