hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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