Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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