I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
