I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
