ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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