The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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