I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
