I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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