HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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