I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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