Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
