So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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