wakey wakey hands off snakey
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
