Buhtt sex?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
