It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
