Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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