forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
