dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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