There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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