My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
