I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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