She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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