the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
