I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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